Please be aware this post could trigger child abuse / sexual abuse issues or memories. Let this be a trigger warning, please, before reading further.
I have one memory from childhood that qualifies as sexual misconduct. I am unable to discern if I was “asked” to witness this behavior several times when I was 6 or whether I was “asked” to engage in this behavior when I was 6 or both.
In any case, the behavior in question was/is pole dancing – a visual together with an audio track. I do not recall if I was exposed to such behavior on the television or a home movie screen or when visiting a neighbor. I do not recall whether I witnessed the behavior or was asked to provide the behavior. All I have as memories are a dark room with the figure of a woman or a girl pole dancing and making lewd sounds.
I honestly don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know if I have just “confronted” the abusive behavior and am now freed from its hold on me. I don’t know if I need to further explore the behavior in order to “make sense” of it. I don’t know if there is a slew of stigma now to overcome.
I have googled pole dancing and apparently now for some people it is a form of exercise. This sounds completely insane to me as my experience with pole dancing was extremely harmful and confusing and damaging. I am sorry to share details if these details disturb you. I am just trying to process something that happened over fifty years ago, to make whatever sense of it I can and move on.
I have shared this memory with my therapist several months back and her response was to acknowledge and move on but not to dwell.
Thank you for listening to my story. I hope it does not trigger your issues in any way.
2 thoughts on “Experiencing Inappropriate Sexual Behavior”
Huh. I can see how that would be tough to know what to do with. It’s not surprising there aren’t many contextual details, given how long ago it was, but it’s hard to interpret with what you’ve got to go on.
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The memory itself is very vivid but all the surrounding details are foggy at best. Thanks for speaking to the post. It means a lot just to acknowledge the memory in the light of day.