I had a run-in with my therapist yesterday. I was talking about having a lot on my plate with a daughter going off to college soon, a Mom needing cataract surgery and me not knowing for a week or so about a brain tumor and whether that required follow-up with the neurologist. Thankfully it does not.
Where my therapist and I disagreed was whether I had a lot on my plate. It is true my daughter is a stellar student and good athlete. So she is likely to get into some if not several colleges of her choice. But, that does not mean my feelings on her behalf don’t include anxiety. I was diagnosed with bipolar while in college — so that makes me worry about her.
My therapist also reminded me that my sister is the point person for my Mom’s cataract surgery and there is very little for me to do there. From my point of view it is difficult to have my Mom age, it is difficult in having to set limits on how much I can help with her care because of the bipolar (like driving across town at 5:00/5:30am under heavy sedation with meds). It is also stressful for me to see my Mom as she insists until recently on driving herself and I don’t feel that is safe.
The MRI for a brain tumor was stressful because I did not know if I would need brain surgery – literally.
My admiration for my therapist is at a low point. Rather than acknowledging all these stressors, she basically said I did not have a lot on my plate and I should be doing better. She texted me that she thought I had enormous difficulty managing my own life and to stop trying to manage other people instead of managing my own struggles.
This is the first time in 13 plus years where my therapist in my view made the wrong call. If I were in a wheel chair, the doctors would not necessarily believe I should walk again but that I should be making the most of my life albeit in a wheelchair. For the first time in 13 years, I feel my therapist just “doesn’t get it.” I feel she doesn’t get it that anxiety can be really rough even if it looks like things on the outside are pretty much handled. The anxiety doesn’t necessarily go away when life’s challenges are getting managed one way or another.
Has anyone had this kind of fall-out with their therapist or their doctor? Any ideas on how best to move forward?
Mental Health is Health 
Wow, that’s crappy. I’ve been there before with an invalidating care provider, and it’s just not cool.
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I feel like I ought to give her a second chance since this is once in 13 years or so. But not sure about doing that?
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A second chance seems fair.
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Thanks for the insight….
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I am really frustrated for you. This is not okay. I hope it can be addressed and worked through for you, especially given your strong history with her.
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Thanks for your support!
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In therapy having emotional validation is really important, especially for people who don’t have enough of it in their everyday lives. However, it’s also important for a therapist to challenge your thought patterns / beliefs as you progress. Different therapist use different techniques for challenging you, and some are more helpful than others.
I recommend thinking about what she said more carefully. Try to find even the smallest iota of truth in what she said. For example, perhaps the illness has been a major stressor in your life, but there may be room to relinquish responsibility in other areas.
Then when you have a conversation with her next, you can mention to her that you understood and agreed with some parts, but that you ultimately did not appreciate her tone or lack of support.
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Thanks for this. I have accepted her apology and requested to move on from here. I think we are good now. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
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