Thou Shalt Not

Compare thyself to others…..

My sister and her husband were in town for the Holidays and stayed with us for three nights along with my aging and memory-impaired mother. It is always great to be around my sister. She is active, fun to be with, helps out whenever necessary. In short you could not ask for a better big sis.

Big difference between my sister and me? She did not get the bipolar. But she has always been very supportive of me and actually used to take me into her home every six months for what I call mini-breaks when I lived up north.

My problem with my relationship with my sister is I try to compare myself to her in terms of her successes in managing relationships, her accomplishments at work, her steadfastness with her faith and just her innate ability to have fun. My therapist suggests using her as a role model rather than comparing myself to her because I will likely always come up short. My therapist did not say “come up short” but that is how I feel when I make the comparison.

A word of caution – it’s not the type of nice that rubs your face in it. My sister is really just a very good person who has not had a mental health diagnosis to deal with. But if I remember things honestly and correctly, my sister has had her share of hardships. One of her sons had a chronic disease growing up and almost did not graduate high school. Her other son is an artist who is extremely talented but not necessarily financially prepared for family life with a spouse and kids. (I am not sure he even wants that….).

So why do I gloss over these facts when I think about my sister’s lot in life? She has definitely had her share of hardships. She is just expert in getting past these. I think her strong faith is main reason why.

So do any of you compare yourself to siblings or cousins when you know you “should” not? What do you tell yourself when you are comparing self with others? Does resolving the comparison or downplaying it involve faith in any way?