This is just a bit of musing on being in maintenance mode with bipolar illness. At times, I have called this maintenance mode being in mental illness remission. Due to the specifics about what is illness remission and what it is not, I am choosing today to talk about where I am in my history with bipolar illness as “maintenance.”
What does bipolar maintenance look like for me?
- Being on a largely functional cocktail of meds that are monitored by a psyche professional. I adjust these meds slightly with the help of my doctor when I am going through extra stress or when stress is more manageable. I have been on the same basic meds since about 2008.
- Seeing that psycho-pharmacologist about every three months with monthly trips to the lab for bloodwork. It is important to me to be honest with my doctor and to have the type of relationship where I can work with him to adjust med levels when needed.
- Seeing the therapist about every 2 to 8 weeks. Every two weeks is if I am in a rough patch. Every 8 weeks if all is progressing well. Back in 2008, this was weekly. Mostly now it’s every 4 to 8 weeks.
- Not having to be admitted to the hospital for 2 plus years. For me this has been since fall 2008. I have been informed that not being hospitalized for a period of time, in and of itself, does not qualify as remission. But the stats seem important to me to include as at least one barometer of remission and/or maintenance.
- Having several activities like blogging, care of pets, walking or yoga routines that are by and large fulfilling if not enjoyable. I find that with the anxiety and depression that I experience with bipolar illness, my activities are sometimes fulfilling and sometimes not. Getting them done is what I count most. There is “enjoyment” or “satisfaction” in getting them done even if at the time, the activities themselves are not particularly “joyous.”
- Being able to manage day to day activities in the household. These for me include being supportive to my teen-age daughter, keeping my relationship with my husband current and vibrant, running the household, going to the grocery on a regular basis, getting a healthy dinner on the table each night, doing basic laundry and clean-up, caring for a new puppy. This does not require me to hold down a job which has been a struggle for me since 2005 or so or perhaps earlier.
- Seeking out regular contact with friends and contacts who are supportive of bipolar illness. I have had a neighbor who is close to me move about an hour away from where I live, so I could make some improvements in this area. We used to talk openly about stress and anxiety on regular walks. It would be great to resume this activity virtually if possible. Blogging also does help create a sense of community support. I have been blogging regularly for a couple of years and this is very fulfilling — both the reading and the writing of various posts.
- Doing something tangible to reduce stigma about mental illness. Instead of being the victim of mental illness stigma, I have found it empowering to write about stigma in my journaling and in my blogging. It is important to get out in front of the stigma and try to tackle it and talk about it before it becomes a big deal with big deal consequences. I have found it difficult to address stigma, but I also have found that talking about it and educating people who have no prior exposure to mental illness is important. I have just written a series of blogs about mental illness stigma and working as a project manager. Hopefully that perspective when shared may mean people who have no prior connection with mental illness can at least read about what it’s like to experience that stigma.
- Talking and educating people who have no connection to mental illness seems to be at the top of the list for me for stigma reduction. Stigma reduction does not happen immediately or overnight, more like a small, small drip into a large, large pond. Very small change but change nonetheless. Also to note, there is real danger of preaching to the choir about mental illness stigma. Most people who might follow my blog probably already think stigma is an issue. In stigma reduction, it is important to find ways of reaching people who are not yet educated on mental illness and its challenges.
- Finally, being in maintenance mode for me means being able to be kind to myself. This means forgiving myself for mistakes no matter how large or small. This means giving myself credit for accomplishments achieved no matter how small they may seem – like going grocery shopping for healthy food that day. This also means not comparing myself to others in a way that makes me feel “less than” or “more than.” Maintenance mode means being willing to accept constructive criticism from my support team even when that criticism is difficult to hear. It also means standing up for myself when the criticism may not be “spot on.”
Does anyone else care to share what mental illness maintenance might look like to them?