This is an addendum to a prior post. Please be advised that this post could be a trigger for escalating thoughts or grandiose thoughts.
I was often rewarded particularly by one professor in my school work in college for making connections between things that were not necessarily apparent. Seeing these “connections” was at the time part of my academic prowess and landed me graduation with honors. That professor indicated among other things that I had “preternatural abilities” in my observations.
As I look back on it now, I see these academic exercises as somewhat of a breeding ground to years later experiencing grandiose thinking. If making these connections meant I would get an A or an A+ on a paper in college, that was evidence (to me) that my connections between seemingly disparate concepts were “correct.” I am not really faulting the professor here which I might, but I am saying I got really good positive feedback for making these “connections” while in college. Perhaps if I had gotten C’s on these types of papers or assignments I would not have felt that my escalations of thought were well-grounded in reality nor laudable nor applaudable. Perhaps I would have been less inclined “to go there” in my thoughts.
At this day and age some 40 years later, I can usually see when I am escalating in my bipolar thoughts. This escalation does not bring me good grades nor a feeling of well-being or accomplishment or safety, but rather it creates difficulty in managing my bipolar thoughts and my bipolar disorder and might just be what has sent me to the hospital these several/many times over the years. Three cheers for being the B or C student?!?!
2 thoughts on “Precursor to “Grandiose Thinking””
I don’t tend to make connections, and I’m usually quite willing to accept that things are coincidences. But when I’ve occasionally experienced psychosis with my depression, I can start making a lot of connections. Because it’s such a contrast from my normal way of thinking, I notice pretty quickly that something’s not right. It would probably make it a lot harder to notice if that was something I did more at baseline or if it had been encouraged by others.
Yeah. I think it’s time to give up the ghost on what worked for me in higher education. It does not translate to the real world at all….. It’s been a very long time coming in getting to that realization. I guess better late than never.
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