There is a fine line….

There is a fine line between telling your story and giving advice and I feel I have crossed that line in the past week or so.

If you follow the rules of AA, the idea is that you tell your own story and support others for telling their stories as well. What you don’t do in AA is give advice to people who are sharing. They may not want advice. The advice may be the wrong fit for that person. They may not be at a place where that advice is helpful. There are a million and one reasons NOT to provide advice whereas there are virtually no reasons for not being supportive.

I feel in the last week, I fell into an old habit of giving advice rather than giving support, and this is NOT ok. I would like to apologize here for that. Giving advice is / may be a way of compensating for lack of empathy and that too is not OK. It is some sort of distancing mechanism.

I am relatively new in the blogging community (March). What I have observed is that most people comment on posts that resonate with them and generally provide supportive commentary not advice commentary for a particular post.

At this time, I wish to call myself out for getting in the advice-giving mode in my comments instead of getting in the empathy mode. My apologies to all for this behavior.

So with that apology said, what type of blogosphere comments work for you? Should blogs follow the guidelines of AA where the focus is on telling your own story? Are there blogging rules somewhere that I should know about? Particularly about providing support versus advice?

Celebrating 18 years of marriage!

Today is my wedding anniversary and my husband and I are celebrating 18 years of marriage!

I have posted in a prior post on what I think are some of the essentials to a successful marriage. I am posting again on those criteria with a few additions. These are just my perceptions about my marriage and they do not necessarily translate for all parties. But I thought I’d share in case they are helpful.

  1. Argue well. Don’t go over the same territory over and over. Have an argument. Learn from it and go on – no dredging up issues from two hours ago, two days ago, two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago.
  2. Share a common faith. This one is hard to do if you have already fallen for someone who does not share your faith. But still, where possible allow faith to help guide you and nurture you as something bigger than the demands of husband and wife (or husband and husband or wife and wife). It is helpful to have a unifier that is bigger than each person in the relationship.
  3. Keep a sense of humor going at all times. Be able to laugh at yourself and with your mate.
  4. Be willing to say I’m sorry readily when you may have made a mistake. There is no monopoly on admitting mistakes even when you did not think you were completely in the wrong.
  5. Be willing to forgive your partner’s weaknesses at the same time as potentially calling out his/her problematic behavior. This forgiveness assumes the behavior in question is not abusive or destructive to you.

What do you think are essential characteristics of a good marriage or a good relationship?

Question about consumerism and consumption?

I am reposting my Comments to a prior posting below:

I think people’s patterns of consumerism and consumption around the States or around the world are fascinating during these crazy times. What are the things that the people themselves feel are essential? Spending on food has gone up in part because of all the food shopping and in part because food prices are getting higher. But what is essential for one group – like being able to go to a bar or get a haircut – is not necessarily essential for another group of people. In fact, I am not sure if our modern day definitions of consumer behavior even have the capability of parsing our behavior into more specific subgroups.

These subgroups could be defined via age or could be defined via level of risk they are willing to take on or by their need to protect and continue their livelihoods. So far as I understand things, economic models talk about consumer behavior as one thing or one entity. But within that definition of consumerism and consumption are huge variations surrounding consumer beliefs about what is essential to their households or not.

I am wondering if our economic models will have to evolve to cover subsectors of consumers and consumerism. Or maybe I am just uneducated? Just a question for today’s times?