When You Have Anxiety….

When you have anxiety I am wondering what time of day that usually occurs or if there is a time of day that is most difficult with your anxiety? For me the most common time to experience anxiety is when I first wake up in the morning. I am always anxious about something as I awake. More recently it has been about will I have cancer. I am going through a series of tests right now for breast cancer and wake up worried about it.

Do you have a specific time of day when anxiety is most difficult?

I am letting go….

I am letting go of any childhood abuse I sustained between six and ten years of age. I recently have had an abnormal mammogram, an abnormal ultrasound and a request for an MRI for both breasts.

I feel like I am being called to let go of the abuse I experienced as a young child so that I can continue to heal particularly with respect to any sort of breast abnormality or cancer I may currently have or any cancer that is soon to be discovered.

I won’t find out for at least two weeks if I have breast cancer. My MRI is on June 17th. Until then, I will be working on forgiving those who I believe participated in the sexual exploitation of me and my body and my mind when I was six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

I release any perpetrator and give the abuse over to God as to how to handle those individuals and how to judge those individuals. The judgment is not mine to make.

Again, I will also be working on forgiveness to those parties with the main desire to move forward in my life in a way that is free from anxiety and free from these deep pockets of pain. I feel that by letting go of this abuse, I may be more able to forgive and more able to have an illness-free life going forward.

Thanks in advance for any support you can muster for me as I release this abuse to God and to the void. I no longer want to possess this experience and the anxiety and depression that comes along with it.

My Sojourn through Bipolar Illness – Being Ahead of the Curve

During my work life and career, I have had to deal with being (or feeling) ahead of the curve by about ten to twenty years. The things I like to think about – circular time versus linear time, matter and anti-matter, quantum mechanics or quantum physics, an equation to designate the development of time, new treatment protocols for cancer or behavioral health or HIV/AIDS, development of biofuels as a substantial source of our energy supply – all tend to surface at least ten years before the topic reaches the mainstream.   For example, I wrote three grants to the USDA to use farm and animal waste for energy back in 1999/2000.  (I did not get the grants.)  Biofuels did not hit it big until about 2010 (this is a guesstimate) and in 2020 are still not in widespread use as a way to process farm waste and generate energy.

In some respects I have gotten used to the ten year gap and do not have expectations that my thoughts and insights will be useful to society.  I also have recognized that throughout the course of history many people with certain thoughts are often not recognized during their lifetimes.  Knowing this helps me not to get too frustrated when my inroads go nowhere.   And then again, perhaps nowhere is where these thoughts are intended to go. 

This sense of “being ahead of the curve” may relate back to the imaginary thoughts of that six-year-old child within.  Just as with any young child, my younger child within believes that all things are possible including things that logic and reason cannot readily address.  That younger child within for example believes she may have developed an equation to characterize the passage of time.  As I have no training in that area of science or even remotely connected to that area of science, any work I might have achieved in this regard must be due to the imagination projected forward onto the page by that younger child within.  Regardless, science is needed to fact check any or all of these musings.

This sense of “being ahead of the curve” most likely requires a scientific approach to validate whether any of my early perceptions are valuable or truthful.  As mentioned before, I consider this younger child within to be almost autistic.  (My therapist has asked me to consider whether I feel I am on the spectrum.)  Therefore is it possible that certain impressions of that child within may lead to the ability to work out complex problems without prior training just as an autistic person can perform complex mathematic calculations without any training in higher math?

Also, I do not have much perceived anxiety in regard to these perceptions.  They are what they are and nothing further.  I consider them to be perhaps inspired by the Divine but in need of fact-checking by good science in order to move forward.   Until then they are just thoughts.

I am curious, do other people ever feel like they are ahead of the curve?

Sound and Healing?

At first a caveat – this is not medical advice. It is merely a question about how alternative treatments for cancer might be explored further and/or might come into being. This does not substitute for care from oncologists or other MDs or other medical professionals who may be treating someone for cancer.

If you believe that humans are truly vibrational beings then it follows that sounds or vibrations may have more impact on us and on our well-being than we know. I have come to believe after about 20 years of soul-searching and study that cancer may be able to be treated by vibrations or sounds as applied to the brain via electrodes. This includes studying the work of Royal Raymond Rife (see bibliography / sources below) who was an MD who died in the 70s and promoted sound frequencies for a variety of illnesses. I have come to believe that each type of cancer has its own frequency that when applied to the body can transform cell structures that are mangled from cancerous contamination to cell structures that are free from cancer and healthy. I believe that the cell structure itself is modified through sound to return to its original, cancer-free structure after a certain period of introducing the said frequency to the body. I believe this turnaround may occur over the course of several days rather than months. Continued periodic exposure to the frequency may be recommended for health maintenance.

Does this sound like the insane ramblings of a person with bipolar disorder or does this warrant testing in the medical community in the form of a clinical trial? I am all for scientific validation of this hypothesis and have welcomed it for years. Does anybody know how such a clinical trial could come about?

Sources:

http://www.healingfrequenciesmusic.com/royal-raymond-rife – Royal Raymond Rife Royal Raymond Rife had a lab where he worked on fighting cancer with frequencies. He is also the inventor of the “universal microscope.” After discovering which frequencies worked, he used them in clinical trials that were documented by the University of Southern California.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_RifeRoyal Raymond Rife (May 16, 1888 – August 5, 1971) was an American inventor and early exponent of high-magnification time-lapse cine-micrography. He is best known for a claimed ‘beam ray’ invention during the 1930s, which he thought could treat some diseases through vibration.

Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing. By Caroline Myss (copyright 1996 by Caroline Myss|Crown Publishers, Three Rivers Press, New York). 

Anniversaries

My Dad died in late May of 1989 of prostate cancer. He was 54. Each year at the time of his death, I feel a deep sense of loss. It has been over 30 years but I still am impacted by his death each May. Thankfully after 30 years of acknowledging his loss I have transitioned to being thankful that I have passed this 54 year old mark. I am 56. Each day, I realize I am so many years past having died at 54. I realize that each day with my husband and daughter and all my family is a gift.