Are to-do lists helpful to you?

For the last week or so, I have been keeping a list of items that I need to do to keep a household running like going for a blood test, picking up meds, picking up meds for my dog and so on. The list is not particularly long. I am not listing out every single thing on my bucket list, but I am including those things I must do to run a household as well as some other non-essentials. For example, this morning I awoke (late) and rested and felt ready to tackle cutting the grass in the back yard. The grass was really long so this took several starts and stops to complete – literally. But complete it I did! And better yet, I marked it off my list! All of a sudden I feel empowered by doing one small thing on my to-do list. I would be curious if other people find this approach helpful to structuring these long unstructured days. What I hope I can avoid is putting too many items on the to-do list or putting really difficult items on the list. I do not want to psyche myself out with too much on the list. Just make a short relatively easy list so I have some easy “wins.” Maybe putting a healthy meal on the table for myself and my family each day. Taking the dog for a short walk. Or taking myself for a short walk. Anything that is constructive that I can cross off my list with relative ease.

My Sojourn Through Bipolar Illness – Smelling Like a Dog

The idea of paranormal thought and healing was referenced in a book suggested to me by a friend from college, also a Medical Doctor, about twenty years ago.  The book called The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot [1] suggests that paranormal thought and healing may be more common than we realize.  This is a tricky insight, but I think one that is worth exploring.

Consider thought as if it were on a continuum from normal logical thought on one extreme to paranoid thought on the other extreme.  Where would we place the thoughts of autistic people who are on the spectrum and able to compute incredible math equations or know any date in time without any degree of difficulty?   What if every person with bipolar illness or a behavioral health disorder has or had an autistic or quasi-autistic child within?  What might be needed to give room to this quasi-autistic child within to develop and gain confidence to move forward in life with the accompanying adult?  What if the adult with bipolar illness or a behavioral health challenge could regain health by honoring this quasi-autistic child and his/her inherent fragility?  Perhaps if the quasi-autistic child within had an audience who listened to these fragile thoughts, communication exchange might be able to occur before thoughts reach the other end of the spectrum at paranoia? Perhaps if the child within is acknowledged for having some extra set of insights, care givers might recognize those abilities and acknowledge them, perhaps stopping the paranoid thought process before it occurs. This is a hugely large question and one that requires behavioral health scientists to review and explore and evaluate.

I talk about this “paranormal thought” in terms of a dog’s abilities to smell or to hear because we readily accept that a dog can smell and hear things that we don’t smell and hear.  However, it is much more difficult for us to believe that some of us humans may see or hear things beyond that of a “regular” person or differently from a “regular” person much like a blind person may have a corresponding enhanced musical ability.  For every disability might there be a corresponding ability? The paranormal thought process may also be linked to the age of my inner child who for these purposes may be about six years old – more discussion on that later.

Shortly after reading The Holographic Universe, I wrote a letter to physicist David Bohm requesting that a study be performed that looked at human perceptions of time, including circular time (the world of dreams) and linear time (the world of events).   I had no idea that David Bohm was deceased when I wrote that letter to him in the mid-1990s but have felt and continue to feel over the years that work in quantum physics and work in paranormal thought are somehow intrinsically linked.  Matter and anti-matter may correlate loosely to real time and to dream time.  

Recently in the past few years I have come to understand my six-year-old child within through these lenses.  I feel that I must learn to listen to what this child has to say or what she is feeling.  I feel that by listening to this child I may be able to connect to the child and the vulnerability before my thoughts have migrated to full-blown paranoia.  This is an extremely important but difficult path.  There is a huge amount of research out there about honoring the child within.  However, there is not a lot of research out there about how honoring extra-sensory perceptions or thought patterns may help quell or disperse or render neutral paranoid thoughts and paranoid perceptions. In addition to dispersing paranoid thought before it begins, this approach may potentially shed light on some insights that are down the scale from logical thought but not at the other end of paranoid thought either.

During the past few years as I have been locating and holding up that six-year-old child, I have felt extraordinarily vulnerable, prone to having extreme bouts of tears as past fears have come unglued.  During this time of elevating this child of six, I have sought more frequent meetings with my therapist in terms of translating this new dynamic of an elevated inner child to everyday realities of a job search, helping my sixteen-year-old child with homework, getting a healthy dinner on the table, taking and managing meds, getting an exercise regime established and managing moods in general.

Quite late in my own emotional development, I have concluded that this six-year-old child may have certain insights beyond normal sensory perception.  The challenge now is to find the means and wherewithal to listen to that child within rather than minimize that child’s “doglike” abilities.  The impetus in this world is to discount any sort of extra sensory perceptions we may have (that that child may have) in preference for logic and all things explainable through reason in this world.  So far, it is clear that as a society we value perceptions that are logical and shun perceptions that may arise through intuition or some alternate form of perception not related to logic. 

I call this type of intuition or perception “unknowledge” or “illogical communication” or “ecological communication.”  We don’t expect nature or feelings to follow the linear laws of logic.  We expect nature to follow cycles and courses of development that are multi-dimensional and cyclical.  It follows that some of us, perhaps those with a bipolar or other mood disorder diagnoses, have trains of thought that are ecologically informed rather than logically informed.  Perhaps a lack of reason may not necessarily be a bad thing if we can tease out the dangerous components that are correlated with paranoia before they can even exist or present. Perhaps if we catch illogical and ecological thought at the onset before connections to paranoid perceptions, this illogical and ecological thought can provide insights and awareness that the logical mind cannot perceive.

[1] Talbot, Michael,  The Holographic Universe, copyright 1991 by Michael Talbot (Harper Collins Publishers: New York, NY). “Chapter 6: Seeing Holographically:” pp 162-193.