My Sojourn through Bipolar Illness – Surviving the Laboratory Rat Syndrome

The meds discussed here are the meds I have taken – there is no recommended psyche drug here in this post or others as what is therapeutic for one is not therapeutic for all – hence “the laboratory rat syndrome.”

In the 1980’s Lithium and Tegretol for maintenance and Mellaril, Ativan and Haldol for acute break-downs were largely the only psychotropic drugs on the market.  Since the late eighties, this has largely changed with the break-through of any number of medications including Clozaril which I now take.  The issue now is the side effects of these newer drugs.  Their impact on managing the illness has increased 100-fold but the side effects have also increased.  Weight gain associated with new psychotropic drugs is a serious concern and may lead to the onset of Type II Diabetes for me as well as for others.

What has not changed over the years regarding medication is the process by which the correct medications are found and administered. I call this “the laboratory rat syndrome.”  Through no fault of prescribing medical doctors, prescribing the correct medications is often more of an art than a science.  Patients may react to meds in very different ways since brain chemistry for different people and different illnesses may cause people to respond very differently to the same psychotropic drugs.  It is not unusual to try a drug for three or four weeks to see if it works and then change the meds if it does not help sufficiently. 

This “laboratory rat syndrome” requires that the patient partner outright with his or her prescribing doctor.  Being clear and truthful about what drugs are working at what levels is a crucial part of managing bipolar illness or any related mood disorder.   Without this feedback from the patient, the doctor virtually is in a guessing game with the patient. If the patient can provide clear and honest feedback about what medication is working and what is not working, this allows the doctor to more easily do his or her job. 

In the last few years. I have turned a corner with my care providers including working with my therapist and my doctor on meds.  I attribute this success to a relatively new Spiritual goal of becoming transparent in my psychiatric care.  I try not to minimize how I feel and to disclose how a certain drug is working or not.  My communication is straight-forward and sincere with the end goal to find a medication mix that works and that keeps me and my family safe and that allows me in time to live freely and perhaps work a job that I envision.

Medical care in psychiatry also has come a long way since 1985.  Doctors in the behavioral health field seem more “normal” for lack of a better word than their earlier counterparts who seemed to be more fascinated by illness behaviors than interested in helping to cure or manage those behaviors.  Many earlier doctors of mine seemed to be more drawn to the abnormal behavior patterns in me as a patient than drawn to treating or reversing those behaviors.  For the most part in my perception of things, this preponderance for the bizarre no longer seems to be what draws behavioral doctors to their field.  I can vouch for both my current doctor and therapist that they are expert in providing top-notch medical treatment.  Their regard for my person and not their regard for my illness is what I appreciate most in each of them.   And it shows.  Just as meds have progressed in the last thirty plus years, so has psychiatric care as well as resources for family and friends of the diagnosed. 

What are your experiences with trying to find the meds that work for you? Have you also had to try out various meds before finding one / some that is /are therapeutic? Does the process require that you super-connect to your prescribing doctor?

My Sojourn through Bipolar Illness – Family Then and Now (part two)

After the postpartum period began to become more under control, my relationship with my own mother blossomed.  She was able to step in and care for my daughter when I was overwhelmed by postpartum depression.  In addition to her developing as a grandmother to my child, I felt that she over the years began to learn to let go of feeling responsible for my illness or for controlling my illness and was more able to be just “a support.”  She became someone to talk with about feelings and issues when needed.  At other times she was a person to bring the family together in a weekly meal at her house.

I attribute NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) to a lot of my mother’s development and understanding of behavioral health issues.  NAMI programs helped her just to be there for me as a Mom and a friend.  NAMI taught my mother I believe the importance of just being there – not necessarily doing anything but just “being there.” Granted there were times in the past that I felt that she wanted to be intimately involved in my care and in my therapy in a way that I did not want.  When she gave up this control and decided to focus on being a support, our relationship blossomed as did the growing relationship between her and my daughter. 

Over the sixteen years of my daughter’s life, my mother has become a great presence in our family interactions.  We get together most times weekly or more than weekly for a meal or a soccer game or both. Today in covid-19 times that has migrated to a daily phone call and some outside social time with masks and social distancing. 

My relationship with my husband James has also matured as my health has progressed.  We continue to have our favorite arguments, but in general we are on the same page of putting our daughter first including school time, school work, hobbies like Cross Country, Track and Chorus and her spiritual development.

My husband has continued to be one of my most staunch supporters but not in a way that is easily described.  More than giving me a safe harbor in which to rest my myriad of thoughts and perceptions, he has challenged me to find my rock bottom and work my way out of it.   He is no way gets involved in my illness but rather gently or sometimes not so gently reminds me that my illness is mine to deal with.   This expectation that I will deal with my illness is both verbal and non-verbal.  In addition to working though my illness, my husband has largely been accepting of the fact that a high paying job is likely not going to be something that I can stick with and maintain.   It is with his support that I have been writing this text off and on for the last several years.

In addition to my Mom and my husband in recent years and my sister in years’ past, my in-laws have been extremely supportive of me and my efforts toward financial security.  From the beginning of my relationship with my husband, they have provided fiscal support that has allowed me to work from home on a variety of health and health measurement concepts. Through this work, I have traveled for presentations in Zurich, Switzerland as well as in Brighton, England.  Work also has been presented at CJR School of Public Health.  Without the fiscal support of my in-laws, none of this work would have been possible.  

My family support over the years has grown in parallel to the understanding of the illness among the public and among medical providers.  My family always has provided me support over the years even through some of the most heart-wrenching episodes of my life including fits of blaming them for my troubles.